Tuesday, August 10, 2010

What's the weather like up there? The same as yours, shorty, if I slouch. (Suck it, by the way.)

I’m tall.

Really tall. Like 6’3”. Fine, I know it’s not colossal, but my life is still kind of difficult. (Said the white, middle-class male.) Okay, my life is relatively un-difficult in the big scheme of things, but my tallness kind of sucks. (Count your blessings, mofo.)

Us tall people all have an intense desire to be able to look a normal person in the eye (instead of have them look us up the nose). How we compensate for that is to slouch.  But when one has the back the size of a 9-year-old basketball player, that’s a big slouch.

Our bodies are also problems when it comes to plane- or bus-riding. Long legs give us the choice of sitting painfully straight up, or to put our knees up on the seat in front of us.  Or put our gigantic legs in the aisle, in most cases risking being yelled at for blocking the emergency exit path.

The worst for me has always been sitting at a desk and working on my computer. If I sat up straight, I would have to look straight down at the computer, hurting my neck. What I really want is to be like a normal person and look straight-on at my computer screen. Easier said than done. I found I have a few options…

[In which I scoot my butt and most of my lower back off the chair, thus ruining my spine for eternity.]

[In which I lower my chair and risk smacking my chin on my knees.]

[In which I make a giant pile of things to bring the computer to my level. This could be catastrophic if the computer should sway too far to the right or left.]

[The most common, which is sure to make any chiropractor grimace.]

I’m using “Piley-wiley” right now and have a Harry Potter VII and a Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol book underneath my computer.

You should see me when I can’t reach something. It seems to be the only reason I was made this way, to reach things for people who aren't able, but when I can’t, I panic. This is what my body was made for! A person like me on a step-stool is just a joke for God to laugh at. 


  1. BAh! I feel redundant saying this is great because you've had so many good blogs lately.
    It rocks though. I love weird lists like that.

    Maybe there exists a tall man's desk. You know, like Big & Tall brand except furniture. OR if it doesn't exist you could pay Ken Steinbach to build one for you. That would be a pretty awesome idea if you ask me.

  2. Hey from one shorty to a tall guy-we short people truly thought we were making you feel useful!!!

    Plus we HATE having to always get a chair or a stool or a ladder or an ottoman with a telephone book on top!

    I know its not fair that we always talk about how TALL you are but we never really mention how SHORT I am!

    I always wondered what it would be like to be tall :/

    We can share stories as you tell me about hair parts and dandruff and I will clue you in about nose hairs and boogers!

    Eeewwww gross!!! I can't believe I just thought about that and then actually typed it!

    Really, I don't see a lot of boogers...

    Hahahaha! Take care of your back and neck tall man!

    Stand tall and proud :o)

  3. I try my best to keep my nose meticulously clean for exactly that reason.