Second Grade Journal: I tend to lie about my interests.

I’ve always hated sports. When I look back to all my days of being in sports—football, basketball, baseball—I always hated it. I went through probably two years of confusion, though, in second grade when my family moved to La Crosse. Everyone cared about football, especially the Packers, who my family told me I should probably hate because we’re from Minnesota and we have our loyalties already.

(A note on the Packer loyalty/a-little-more-than-loyalty/obsession: You have not seen team obsession until you’ve come to Wisconsin. Packer mailboxes? Yes. Packer license plates? Yes. Kids’ rooms with green and yellow walls, packer bedspreads, and memorabilia on the walls, including a cup of dirt from Lambeau field, which they treat like something more than a cup of dirt? Yes. THIS IS WISCONSIN.)

So when I came to school, I had to face daily the question: Do Vikings rule and Packers drool, or is it the other way around? For many of my classmates, that was their only argument; when asked to give a logical explanation, they would only be able to repeatedly quote that rhyming worldview and look satisfied, as if they had actually said something. My feelings towards football and team loyalties were much more about this argument than even about the sport. However, my dad told me to stand firm—as if I really cared—so stand firm I did.

Proof from my second grade class journal that I made it look like I cared about football.

Transcript/Translation: 

November 18th, 1996: 

Dear Journal, 

Tonight the big game is on. Packers vs Cowboys. I hope that the Cowboys win. 

Last night I went to Kyle's birthday party. We saw SPACE JAM. 

I didn't watch that game. However, I did receive the update from my dad in the morning. And I wrote...

Transcript/Translation:

November 19th, 1996:

Dear Journal, 

COWBOYS WON! You're probably wondering why I'm making 

football helmets on all the O's. It's because COWBOYS WON.

Notice my teacher left no comment on these two entries. This will be important knowledge later in this post. 

The Packers made it to the Super Bowl that year. To celebrate, my teacher cut out a bunch of green and yellow construction paper footballs, and told us all to write to our favorite Packer player. After sitting at my desk for a while and deliberating over what I should be doing about this, I walked up to my teacher and the student teacher.

Me: Uh, Teacher? [I didn’t know her name.]

Teacher: Yes, dear? [Smiling.]

Me: I don’t like the Packers.

Teacher: [Silence. Her smile leaves. Looks at the student teacher. They look back at me.] Um, well, just write to one anyway. Write one to Antonio Butler. He’s my favorite.

Me: [defeated] Okay.

If you think this story isn’t true, I have more proof.

Transcript/Translation:

January 7th, 1997:

Dear Journal,  

This morning it was 0 degrees outside! We had to write to the "Green Bay Packers." 

I hate the Packers! I had to lie, because we had to say "Your Fan," so I feel kind of stupid. 

Your friend, Brian.

Notice my teacher put a star on this one, right after I said that I felt stupid. 

Bitch. 

It’s actually a little horrible. Not “call-the-superintendent” horrible, but still kind of horrible.