Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Merp Merp

I drive my dad’s old ‘99 Buick Century. It’s gold. That makes it look expensive.

Dad thinks it’s a bitchin’ ride.

His words, not mine.

All I can think of is the fact that every time I pass another gold ’99 Buick Century, I see a tiny old blue-haired woman peeking over the steering wheel. Every single time, people, without fail.

The other day I pulled up alongside another Buick at a stoplight. For some reason I felt like this would be my lucky day and there would be maybe a young man with blue hair inside instead of an old woman with blue hair. When I peered over, however, I saw literally the oldest man I think I have ever laid eyes on.


I considered revving my engine, flicking him off, and peeling out when the light turned green, leaving him cursing and shaking his fist in the cloud of smoke I left behind. I abstained, but I definitely made sure to accelerate faster just in case anyone was looking.

I don’t find it prudent to listen to Z93 (“today’s best music – WIZM-FM La Crosse”) in this boat made for the ground. Nor do I find it fitting to use iTrip with my iPod. (I call it the “BriPod”…a friend of mine also named Brian calls it that. If you’re listening, Brian, KUDOS.) The only appropriate music-listening resource I’ve found is 102.7—the greatest hits of all time—playing oldies from the 60s, 70s, and 80s. I roll down the windows, crank up that retro tunage, lean back in my chair, and roll on down the street.  Maybe I’ll even honk the horn a few times. It doesn’t go beep beep like regular horns, though; it’s more like merp merp. 

B.A. That’s all I have to say.


  1. AHAHAHAHAAHAHAA you put a link to the definition of "badass" on!!!! That is the LEAST badass thing you could ever do!!!!

    I do enjoy the way you tell stories though.

    Love you!

  2. I am sorry but when I think of badass, you are the last person that comes to mind!

    Funny story though :) I always wondered what people driving 99 Buicks were thinking hehehe and now I know!

    You should hear what middle aged women driving green 2000 honda odyssy's are thinking :}

  3. hehe, i'm glad you guys enjoyed this one.

    and i AM B.A.!! I AM, okay? I am.

  4. Good thing oldies are so much better than "today's hit music"!

  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

  6. OH-EM-GOSH!! emerson merrick wrote on my blog!! i'm honored.

    thanks, emerson, for making my day.

    (everyone go follow her blog now. "an apple a day")

    oh, and i deleted the comment before because i was too worshipful on my first response to her commenting. i took a breath and wrote a slightly calmer one. :)

  7. and it's TRUE...i enjoy oldies so much better than rihanna and nickleback. those don't make me smile like "takin' it easy" by the eagles or "mrs. robinson" by simon and garfunkel. :)

  8. Um, Brian, it's a 1998 Buick Century and NOT a 1999. Geez. Oh, Dad here. Yep, she's a nice ride.

    Three windows roll down AND up and more often than not, the driver's window works too.

    Please note the nice, quiet "Buick Ride." None like it. Feel free to borrow some of my CASSETTES for the in-dash player. God knows I have a bunch.

    Thanks for the Eagles nod.

    She's been a good car. First I drove it, then Lindsay, you, back to me and now you again.

    Enjoy and please take care of "Brian's Bitchin' Buick" up in the big town!

    And yes, I will miss it.


  9. Heheheh, I love your comment, Kent. A LOT.

    Oh, and I also love the title of this blog, something I forgot to mention earlier.

    Love all around.

    p.s. My dad just passed down an old car to my brother and still misses and loves it too, sometimes he even chooses to drive it instead of the fancy new one.

  10. I do NOT have blue hair although I am getting old. See ya later pulling up along side in MY gold Buick! Want to race me from the light? I'll win. :-)

  11. hehe, sorry julie. you're an exception. :) maybe there's some sort of gene in the schroeder DNA that makes everyone buy Buicks, given that you're my dad's sister and all. i sincerely hope it's skipped this generation.

    and i totally win at the stoplight race. i'm sorry, you would just have to lose.