Sunday, March 6, 2011

Things I won’t believe exist until I see them in real life...



 1. The Red Wood Forest 
Trees you can drive through? Get real. It’s way too easy to forge...

[It's about as easy to forge as the moon landing. However I do not doubt the moon landing; that’s just un-American.]


2. Narwhals.   
Unicorn whales? Yeah right. Yeah f***ing right. 

 [This may have a little bit to do with the fact that I thought they were mythical creatures until about a year ago.]

3. Possums.  
Seeing them squashed on the side of the road does NOT mean they exist. 

 [This was drawn after looking up "possum" on Google and drawing it from a thumbnail. I almost threw it away. But then I was reminded of the last time I showed a rejected picture and it was hilarious. So enjoy my drawing of a possum that reminds me of every animal drawing by every Yu Gi Oh! and WWF-loving a**hole kid I went to elementary school with. Don't ask me how I made that connection.]

4. Koala Bears: 
Prove it.

5. Santa Claus: 
I would be so pumped if it just turned out that he existed and the only reason adults don’t receive presents is because they just don’t...


6. Oceans:
(This used to be on the list, but was taken off because of pretty convincing evidence shown to me while in Florida a few years ago.)

7. Platypuses:  
Duck-otters? It’s just not possible. I deny their existence on principle.
 
 [Couldn't have said it better myself, you stupid, fake animal.]

This concludes "Things I won't believe exist until I see them in real life."

Thank you, thank you.



On a similar note:

A word I will never say because I’ll never be exactly sure how to pronounce it:

Bourgeois. 

I’ve even looked it up, and heard the pronunciation, and I’m here to say it’s still not going to happen. Same with Bourgeoisie. 

10 comments:

  1. Narwals??? No way! There isn't such a thing....is there? I must google it now.

    Santa Claus DOES exist, Mr Potty Mouth!

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  2. It isn't a potty mouth if there are asterisks over the important letters.

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  3. Narwals aren't mythical creatures?! And Lampchop is a puppet, not a real sheep. You are shattering all of my beliefs....I bet next week you're going to tell me the meaning of life is not eating cheese.

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  4. Don't worry, that's still the meaning of life.

    (Funny, I almost wrote "post comment" but then realized I wrote "that's still the meaning of cheese.")

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  5. Wow, it's almost like that "believe" is peeling right off the page, the drop shadow is so convincing!

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  6. WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK NARWHALS ARE MYTHICAL CREATURSE?!?!?!! Wasn't anyone else a whale enthusiast when they were younger? GOSH!

    I like the post though. But I don't get you. I believe in all of those things, except Santa.

    Though I too am afraid to pronounce that word. Hahah.

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  7. It's not so much that I don't believe they exist, but more that I can't wrap my head around their existence. Does that clear it up?

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  8. Brian: that doesn't clear anything up. I'm more confused now than EVER!

    Christie: Try pronouncing that word after a glass or two of wine. It's much less intimidating then.

    Brian:I think the first letters are the letters that should have astericks over them. You're still a potty mouth.

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  9. p.s. My friend held a koala bear once and apparently they smell really bad. They're real I tell you, real!

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