Saturday, February 19, 2011

Dreambomb, or 50-word Dreams, or Love and Sex-related Unconscious Journeys

These 50-word dream segments—in which I write dreams I’ve had using exactly fifty words each—always end up having themes. First it was “It’s my time to shine.” Then it was Celebrities and Morality. This time, Love and Sex.

Don’t worry, conservative people (or Mom), they aren’t sex dreams…those are for a different blog…they just seem to be sex-related. As you will see, in the first one, sex would not be possible; in the second, sex would be waaaaay unprofessional; and the third dream, well, I’m just not interested for two reasons: (1) I have this little thing called heterosexuality that gets in the way, and (2) SWEET FANCY MOSES THAT WOULD BE SO DANGEROUS.


...blink blink...

I bet you just can’t wait to read them now. 

 [I'm winking because I know that I have your attention wrapped around my little finger.]

[You ready? This is going to be good.]
[This gesture would be encouraging if it hadn't just come out of a minute of silence.]

I think I've held the suspense long enough. Here they are.

Dream #1
This creepy house is haunted by its former owner: a grumpy old maid—the kind who gives out books and dental floss for Halloween. As a distinguished ghost hunter, I had to take a visit. Oh look! Here it comes! …Natalie Portman? This is turning out better than I expected.

Dream #2
“Welcome to the ‘Fat Girls Deserve Love Too’ club!” I said proudly, sitting almost unnoticeably in a circle of rather large, beautiful, but also lonely women. This was a different kind of project for me, but I felt confident and excited for at least something to put on my resume.

Dream #3
Countless onlookers and news reporters gather to see Ryan Seacrest at Valley Fair. He’s decided to stand up naked on a roller coaster! Everyone seems excited, but all I can think of is that he is probably going to fall to his death and how his tan is extraordinarily even.

The end.

(10 points to anyone who can name which post each reference belongs to in my resume picture.)


  1. These are great!

    Okay, I want some of these points! The first two are from this post, OBVIOUSLY.

    The nose-blowing thing is in:
    Fan Mail

    And the texting phenomenons (easy):
    New Cool Texting Idea: SongBomb
    Another Texting Phenomenon

    However, I have no idea about the stripper one. Suck it.

  2. Tell me the answer, Schroeder! Or give me 9.5 points!