Sunday, March 6, 2011

Things I won’t believe exist until I see them in real life...

 1. The Red Wood Forest 
Trees you can drive through? Get real. It’s way too easy to forge...

[It's about as easy to forge as the moon landing. However I do not doubt the moon landing; that’s just un-American.]

2. Narwhals.   
Unicorn whales? Yeah right. Yeah f***ing right. 

 [This may have a little bit to do with the fact that I thought they were mythical creatures until about a year ago.]

3. Possums.  
Seeing them squashed on the side of the road does NOT mean they exist. 

 [This was drawn after looking up "possum" on Google and drawing it from a thumbnail. I almost threw it away. But then I was reminded of the last time I showed a rejected picture and it was hilarious. So enjoy my drawing of a possum that reminds me of every animal drawing by every Yu Gi Oh! and WWF-loving a**hole kid I went to elementary school with. Don't ask me how I made that connection.]

4. Koala Bears: 
Prove it.

5. Santa Claus: 
I would be so pumped if it just turned out that he existed and the only reason adults don’t receive presents is because they just don’t...

6. Oceans:
(This used to be on the list, but was taken off because of pretty convincing evidence shown to me while in Florida a few years ago.)

7. Platypuses:  
Duck-otters? It’s just not possible. I deny their existence on principle.
 [Couldn't have said it better myself, you stupid, fake animal.]

This concludes "Things I won't believe exist until I see them in real life."

Thank you, thank you.

On a similar note:

A word I will never say because I’ll never be exactly sure how to pronounce it:


I’ve even looked it up, and heard the pronunciation, and I’m here to say it’s still not going to happen. Same with Bourgeoisie. 


  1. Narwals??? No way! There isn't such a there? I must google it now.

    Santa Claus DOES exist, Mr Potty Mouth!

  2. It isn't a potty mouth if there are asterisks over the important letters.

  3. Narwals aren't mythical creatures?! And Lampchop is a puppet, not a real sheep. You are shattering all of my beliefs....I bet next week you're going to tell me the meaning of life is not eating cheese.

  4. Don't worry, that's still the meaning of life.

    (Funny, I almost wrote "post comment" but then realized I wrote "that's still the meaning of cheese.")

  5. Wow, it's almost like that "believe" is peeling right off the page, the drop shadow is so convincing!

  6. WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK NARWHALS ARE MYTHICAL CREATURSE?!?!?!! Wasn't anyone else a whale enthusiast when they were younger? GOSH!

    I like the post though. But I don't get you. I believe in all of those things, except Santa.

    Though I too am afraid to pronounce that word. Hahah.

  7. It's not so much that I don't believe they exist, but more that I can't wrap my head around their existence. Does that clear it up?

  8. Brian: that doesn't clear anything up. I'm more confused now than EVER!

    Christie: Try pronouncing that word after a glass or two of wine. It's much less intimidating then.

    Brian:I think the first letters are the letters that should have astericks over them. You're still a potty mouth.

  9. p.s. My friend held a koala bear once and apparently they smell really bad. They're real I tell you, real!