Friday, February 12, 2010

One Very Busy Night in My Head...

I don't know how this all happened in one night. This is what I typed into my phone when I woke up. Get ready.

While I was climbing up flights and flights of stairs with groceries, I dropped a bag of chips, a loaf of bread, and some peanut butter, and sincerely hoped they didn’t land on anyone below me.
My sisters pets—two cats, which she has in real life, and her dreampet, a giant white dog—had fleas the size of couscous grains. After cuddling with them, I had like eight of those stupid fleas in my mouth. I found out later that when flicked, the fleas grow much larger and work well as something to attach to a zip line.
Hanging out at my former art teacher’s house, I found out that he used to be a Jew, and that he currently has a super cool dishwasher whose racks roll out and sideways.
The former principal of my high school tried out a rap he was going to share with the kids.
I had to help with an elementary school’s gym class and give them ideas of things to do, and I thought that throwing a bunch of manhole-sized slices of pepperoni for the kids to play with (which the instructors were doing) gave the kids too much pressure to join organized sports.
My parents were making out in my room.  Not cool, Mom and Dad.
I ran into a kid from my school who looked like Draco Malfoy from Harry Potter with curly hair, who had quit school and lived on the side of a river in Wisconsin because he fell in love with the taste of the monkeys he found there. The jerk made fun of me reading a book with a portable book light, saying that it was part of my lame religion, and somehow we got into a fistfight. 
Because of the fight, I got kicked out of school, and sent to a ranch where Michael Scott from The Office lived alone.  He bragged about having a big truck with a bunch of funny action figures and stuff on the dashboard. I later found out that the truck had no engine and that it is so like his character to do something like that.
And then I woke up. 


  1. Ah hahahahahah!
    The last three are the best. Or the last two I guess.
    I can't believe one person can even have that many dreams in one night. Maybe the reason I don't remember my dreams is that you steal mine. Yeah, come to think of it that's the most logical explanation for it.

  2. You couldn't just leave out that one snippet from your dream? :-) But I guess "thanks" is due for AT LEAST not illustrating it!

    Pretty gross about having big fleas in your mouth! ICK! that Fez and Jack (who by the way would never ever have fleas because they are too adorable and cuddly) made it into your dreams and its not surprising that you added another dreampet to Linds' home....but it should have been a sheep from Germany...

    Sigh...I do miss hearing about your dreams in the morning when you wake up. You always have had the most entertaining dreams! I'm glad I can hear about them on your blog...but a little bit of censorship wouldn't hurt would it? :-)


  3. Brian, how can you remember dreams? Seems the more I try to recall my dreams, the less I can remember. Cool you can.

    Glad you didn't finish the "Yippee ki ay" line. Isn't that from Die Hard?

    Great Fez and Jack made the dream. Mags and Mr. Ben wonder when they can be included.

    I think one HUGE slice of pepperoni on a pizza would be cool. One uninterupted piece of pep.... mmmm, pizza. (read with Peter Griffin's voice.)

    Hey Christie, speaking of pizza, we'll hit Big Al's pizza or Sloopy's for a nice burger next time you're in town! You can come, too, Brian.

    Keep sharing!